I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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