All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
