I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
