"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
