i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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