She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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