true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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