Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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