Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
