im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
