I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
