After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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