Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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