wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
the condom got lost in my hair
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
