so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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