ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
