I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
