currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
