Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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