tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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