I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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