the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
