Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
