sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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