apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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