just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
