Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
