He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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