Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
