Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
