you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
There's always time for handjobs
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
