i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
