There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
