i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
