Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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