i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Randomize
