Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
