Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
