I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
