how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
So vagazzling was a success
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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