he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
