Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
