dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
