Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
