...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
