he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Rumble strips road head = magical
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
