So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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