Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
