last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i wish my penis had a tongue
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
