I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
