Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I currently don't understand fingers.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
