I met the friendliest cop last night
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
